Eli Rallo has never, ever been a so-called “chill girl.”
“I’m literally bats–t,” the 23-year-old New Yorker told The Post. “Like, who cares?”
Rallo declared the once trendy “chill girl” persona – a girl who’s just “one of the boys” and doesn’t dare vocalize her feelings — officially over in a now-viral TikTok clip, which has amassed over 376,000 likes.
“It was cool to be ‘that’ girl: minimalist, with a polished and pretty clean girl aesthetic,” said Rallo, who believes guys seek out “chill” girls.
“And it feels like squeezing yourself into a pair of pants that don’t fit. That’s never been who I am.”
But Rallo isn’t the only one fed up with being a certified chill girl.
Rallo insists she’s never been a “chill girl,” and used to check guys’ Snapchat scores.Courtesy of Eli RalloFor TikToker and college student Maalvika Bhat, 21, ditching the “chill girl” expectation was freeing – and, after her TikTok calling for the “death of the chill girl” went viral, she discovered that more women want to be freed, too.
“I don’t care if you guys are hooking up and you want to know if he’s seeing other people, you can ask him that,” she says in the clip that now has over 103,000 likes. “You don’t have to worry about being chill.”
The societal need for the “chill girl” persona stems from negative depictions of women being “annoying, overly emotional and controlling,” explained sociologist Jennifer Gunsaullus, Ph.D. – but now, she’s seeing a “f–k it” attitude amongst younger women.
Bhat went viral for her claim that the “chill girl” is “dead.”Courtesy of Maalvika Bhat“[I’ve seen] this bigger picture of women who are rebelling from the BS ‘feminine training’ we’ve received, what it is to be a good woman or a good girlfriend, how you’re supposed to be sexy or pretty,” she said.
Jareen Imam, 33, was shocked her dating app prospects specifically requested “chill girls” only.
“I didn’t really understand what that meant,” Imam, who works in tech, told The Post. “But ultimately, it was clear over time going on dates with some of these individuals that a ‘chill girl’ had very specific connotations, and one of them was essentially not asking for too much in a relationship.”
Imam found herself going out with guys who only wanted “chill girls” after her previously relationship ended.Stephen RivasOne guy even told her she seemed “really excitable” and that he wasn’t “looking for someone with so much drama” after only talking about one of her interests.
“It made me feel like I couldn’t be myself,” the New Yorker said, although her personality had never been an issue before. “I care about a lot of things, I have big opinions and that’s OK. I like being me.”
For Nashville-based marketing manager Ilianca Sipos, not caring just wasn’t sustainable.
Sipos said that for her, being “chill” wasn’t sustainable.Courtesy of Illianca Sipos“You can’t live or date someone when you’re not being your authentic self and by letting things slide that you don’t want to let slide,” said Sipos, 25, who was afraid to “ruffle any feathers” if she wasn’t chill. “We would have never been chill in our careers, we’re never chill with other things that bother us, so why would we be chill with relationships?”
Holding back feelings in relationships causes built-up frustration, which NYC dating coach Grace Lee said later bubbles over as a “freak out” and results in the woman labeled as “crazy.” But, she advised that having a “take it or leave it” attitude isn’t a thoughtful way to approach a relationship, either.
Gunsaullus also advised against doing a swift 180. “But generally, when folks are saying ‘f–k it’ to something, they’re still very reactive.”
Instead, she suggested reflecting on how women are “showing up” and finding balance between saying “f–k it,” which she says is self-centered, and being a pleaser or “chill girl.”
Lee, a dating coach, said that the “take it or leave it” attitude may be the way to go when dating.Ashley GalleraniBhat said putting herself first was ultimately what made her most happy.
“It felt like I wasn’t winning because I was centering what the guy thought about me rather than my own wants and needs and boundaries,” she said.
Bhat chalked up the rise of the “chill girl” to Alex Cooper’s Barstool podcast “Call Her Daddy,” which Bhat described as “caring isn’t cool, feelings aren’t cool and be like the guys who don’t care.”
“‘Call Her Daddy’ era feminism started [this]. Treat guys the way they treat you. Casual dating means no respect. It means the more detached you are, the more successful you are,” Bhat said.
Men are just going to have to deal with it, or end up alone, said Rallo.Courtesy of Eli RalloFor Imam, refusing to be a “chill girl” meant being upfront about her interests and moving on when the guy just didn’t align, allowing her to meet her current partner of a year.
“He came to me and he was like, ‘I like that you have no chill,’” she said. “That reaffirms that I found my person and I think it was because I started leaning more into who I am.”
Rallo, who has a loud internet personality, would rather be herself and wait longer for someone who appreciates that side of her than be miserable with someone who doesn’t.
“If every woman just decides to be herself and drop the act – and we stop trying to squeeze ourselves into pants that don’t fit,” she said, “men are either just going to have to deal with that or the bad ones are just going to die alone.”